Up until two years ago, I would measure my self worth based on my appearance and material objects. If I was thin enough, beautiful enough and carrying my Jimmy Choo bag then I was worthy of love. Right? Wrong. I thought people around me would accept me and love me if I was externally perfect and if I had nice things. My entire self worth was based on my external appearance & material objects to the point I became obsessed with my weight, looks and shopping. It has taken me years to get to where I am today. I have had to re-wire my brain and get to know my true authentic self again to enable me to find my self worth.
Looking back at my 20’s, I identified myself with objects such as what bag I was carrying, the designers shoes I was wearing and what size jeans I was wearing. I allowed myself to value my life by consuming to the point of suffering. I was unhappy, I had low self esteem and I was spending all my hard earned money on ‘things’. What I now realise is that it was my ego determining my self worth.
Let’s get something clear when it comes to ego. Ego can often be perceived as ‘showing off’, ‘stuck up’ or ‘arrogant’. I can assure you I wasn’t any of those things. Ego as explained by the author of the book the power of now, Eckhard Tolle defines ego as ‘Any identification with form’ i.e.; possessions, cars, social status or simply a desire to be thin. Unfortunately we live in a society that cares about what car a person drives, what house somebody owns and what bag somebody is holding. Unfortunately I got sucked into that way of thinking.
As I came out of my teens and hit my 30’s I realised all these years of consuming and unrealistic and unhealthy desires to be perfect were going to be unattainable. I made a decision that I was going to stop the consuming and stop my obsession with my weight. I wanted to purchase something because I really needed it not because I wanted it. I wanted to exercise and eat good food to be healthy not to be thin. I am enough just as I am. I am worthy of love and belonging just by being me.
It is so important that we all find our true authentic selves. What helped me achieve this was when I found stillness in my life. I don’t mean going to a room or place where there is only you. When I say stillness, I mean that amongst any situation you take a moment when you block everyone else’s voice around you,the judgement, the opinions and you make a decision for yourself. A decision that is going to make you happy before anyone else. As difficult as it may be, don’t give meaning to other peoples observations of you. I did that for years and it is very damaging.
So believe in your self, define your self worth with the qualities that you possess. Measure your success not by how much money is in your bank account or how thin you are or what car you drive but by your being. Start making decisions for the most important person in your life and that person is you. Love yourself unconditionally. Look in the mirror every morning and instead of judging yourself, say to yourself ‘I love you’.