Tag Archives: respect

If it’s not your story, don’t tell it – IV

‘Gossip is when you have a malice of intent or mindless, third party conversation to someone about someone, something you haven’t said to that someone’ -Iyalna Vanzant

Growing up, my brothers and I were always told by our mother that our tummies fit a lot of food so it would also fit a lot of talk, so never gossip about anyone and if anybody tells you a secret, you keep it. We were told what the outcome of gossiping would be and we definitely didn’t want to be the cause of any trouble or hurt anyone’s feelings. Mum and dad taught us to love and respect all those around us. If family or friends ever came into our home and started to gossip dad would stop them in their tracks and say ‘not under my roof’. Looking back I am proud that my parents taught us this powerful lesson. I think that may be why I have never been betrayed by true friends and vice versa. I can honestly say when it comes to gossip, my life has been drama free.

However, growing up in the community I am from, I see lots of people, particularly women hurting each other. Whether you gossip to a friend or whether you shamefully bash someone on social media it is unnecessary bitchiness and what I believe is a reflection of ones self. Regardless of whether you are male or female (although women seem to betray each other more so).

When I catch up with friends I always feel great afterwards. I feel like we were able to discuss life issues, we were able to vent our stresses to one another and generally I just feel good. I will admit, there have been times were a topic will come up and I find myself gossiping. I know when something has turned into gossip because I get an ill feeling. A guilty feeling and a shameful one at that. I feel like I have betrayed the person I just gossiped about. So I stop. It is very important to me that I am mindful of it. I want to lead a life by example for my mother, father, my brothers, my children, my nieces and nephews and for my community.

We as humans gossip to try and divert attention away from our own lives because we are unhappy with an aspect of our lives. We try and seek validation from others because we are insecure about something within ourselves. We become mean when we hear something we don’t want to hear because some of us are envious or feel threatened by the person we just gossiped about. We gossip because we don’t value relationships and most importantly we gossip because we don’t value ourselves.

So I would like you to ask yourself if you gossip. If yes, why? How do you feel when you gossip? Do you feel empowered or ashamed? Furthermore, ask yourself when you find yourself gossiping or you are in a situation where gossip is occurring:

– Are you honouring yourself by gossiping?

– Are you honouring your relationship with the person being gossiped about?

– Are you envious or do you feel threatened by this person you are gossiping about?

– Are you making gossiping acceptable by being apart of it?

– Are you diverting attention away from your own issues by gossiping?

– Are you lying or shifting information around?

– Are you aware of the damage that spoken words can have?

If you have been or are guilty of gossiping, it is never too late to change. Try and focus on yourself, on your own life. Surround yourself with like-minded people and don’t compare yourself to anyone. You are your own person and only you can decide what you allow or don’t allow in your life.

If you have ever been betrayed by family or a friend, remember that whatever happened is a reflection of the person who betrayed you, not a reflection of yourself. Learn from the experience, accept the situation, forgive and let go. From here on learn to trust yourself, learn who you can really trust even if it is just one person. Share your story with people who have earned your time or who deserve your time. Think of who has really earned the right to listen. Make your life a gossip free zone.

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Love Matters

It has been a tough this week on the home front. I am missing my brother who moved to Paris almost 2 months ago dearly.  My heart aches each time I think of him and what lengths I would go to just to be able to hug him. My children have been hard to handle and my patience has been tested one too many times.  There is so much going on in my life at the moment that I feel so overwhelmed to say the least.

Through all the emotions I have been through this week  I have had to remind myself I am human.  I cannot control what is going on in my life at the moment but what I can do is control how I react to it.  A part of wanting to change myself as a person, to grow as a person and to follow my purpose in life, I need to take responsibility of my place on this earth.

This week I have had to play the role of a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a sister-in-law and a friend two-fold.  It has felt incredible helping all those around in some way.  This is how I know that I am on the right track in life.  I feel that all I have to give is love to all those around me even through these incredibly stressful times.

There was a time where I would hold grudges, give my partner the silent treatment and just sit alone crying and frustrated at life.  Now I express how I feel, I give love to everyone around me and I let go of all the small things in life.  It is not worth holding onto negativity and ill feelings.  When you do as I did, you will ride a dangerous roller coaster in life where only negative things will occur day after day.

Showing love to others and receiving love from others is the greatest gift in life. Think of how you feel when you give or receive love from someone.  Think of all the positivity that stems from love.  What would our world be like if we just showed love to one another.  How much less hurt, war, rape, human trafficking, child slavery would exist if we just showed love to another human.

The first step in experiencing true love begins with ourselves. We need to respect and LOVE ourselves for others to respect and love us back.  We are all loveable and we are all worthy of love.  There is no other way.  This is the only way.